She wants to hear

4:59PM

1. Write a name of a person the opposite sex

2. which is ur fav color out of red black blue, green yellow?

3 ur 1st initial?

4. ur month of birth?

5. Which color do u like mor, black or white?

6. name of a person of the same sex as urs.

7. ur favorite number?

8. Do u like California or Florida?

9. Do u like the lake or ocean?

10. Write down a wish.when ur done scroll down,dnt cheat . . . . . . .

















1. u r completely in love wit this person.

2. if u choose: Red - u r alert & ur life is full of love. Black - u r conservative & aggressive. Green - ur soul is relaxed & u r laid back. Blue - u r spontaneous & love kisses & affection from the 1s u love. Yellow- u r a very happy person & give good advice 2 those who r down.

3. If ur initial is: A-K u have a lot of love & friendships in ur life. L-R u try 2 enjoy ur life 2 the maximum & ur love life issoon 2 blossom. S-Z u like 2 help others & ur future love life looks very good.

4. If u were born in: Jan-Mar: The year will go very wel 4 u & u wil discover that u fall in love with some1 totaly unexpected. April-June: u wil have a strong love relationship that wil not last long but the memories will last 4ever. July-Sep: u will have a great year & will experience a major life changing experience 4 the good. Oct-Dec: ur love life will not be 2 great but eventually u will find ur soul mate.

5. If u chose... Black: ur life wil take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing 4 u, & u will be glad 4 the change. White: u will have a friend who completely confides in u & would do anythin 4 u, but u may not realize it.

6. This person is ur best friend.

7. This is how many close friends u have in ur lifetime.

8. If u chose: California: U like adventure. Florida: u r a laid back person.

9. If u chose: Lake: U r loyal 2 ur friends & 2 ur love. & u r very reserved. Ocean: u r spontaneous & like to plz ppl.

10. This wish will com true only if u RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in a diff board within 1 hr.& it will come true before your next birthday

8:54PM

I won't cry anymore. I promise.

8:53PM

I won't cry anymore. I promise.

11:47AM

11:46AM

A Sad LONG Story ^_^

Take the time 2 read this story...its so sad.

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl.

"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I cant"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment
grabbing me.
"No I am going to meet a friend"

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word love only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say I love you before. To us, there werent any anniversaries at all. He didnt say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days 200days. Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I dont know why. Then one day....

Me: Um, Jin, I
Jin: What dont drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ....you....um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my three words and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But lunch passed, dinner passed and soon the sky was dark he still didnt call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin
Jin: Here take this

Again, he handed me a little doll.

Me: Whats this?
Jin: I didnt give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. Im going home now, bye. Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted "Wait"

Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.

"I dont want to say that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."

That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb and I collapsed to the ground. He didnt want to say it easily. How could he. I felt that x MAYbe he is not the right guy for me. After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didnt call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. Thats how those dolls piled up in my room everyday. After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that I saw him on a street with another girl. He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me as he touched the doll. I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell Why did he gave these to me. Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls. In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that its going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?

I couldnt help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual.

Me: I dont need it.
Jin: What. why

I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.

Me: I dont need this doll, I dont need it anymore!! I dont want to see a person like you again!

I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.

"Im sorry"

He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll

Me: Your stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then....
Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.

"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted.

But he didnt hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.

"Jin, move!"
HONK~!!

"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.
Thats how he went away from me. Thats how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me. After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him. And after spending two months like a crazy person. I took out the dolls. Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days when we were in love.

"One... two... three...."
That was how I started to count the dolls
"Four hundred and eighty four four hundred and eighty
five."

It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly....

"I love you~, I love you~"

I dropped the dolls, shocked.
"I.... love.... you??"
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
"I love you~ I love you~"
It cant be! I pressed all the dolls stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop. I love you. Why didnt I realize that. That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didnt I realize that he love me this much. I took out the doll under the bed and pressed its stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much.

"Jo Do you know what today is? Weve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldnt say I love you. Um since I was too shy. If you
forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you everyday till I die. Jo I love you"

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked God, why do I only know about all this now? He cant be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute.

2:35AM

*It's nothing so simple*

h Someone please call a surgean to crack my ribs and repair this broken heart.

9:39PM

Put an x next to the things that apply to you.
Have you ever...
[x] been drunk.
[x] smoked pot.
[x] kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[] rode in a taxi.
[x] been dumped.
[x] shoplifted.
[] been fired.
[] been in a fist fight.
[x]had sex.   
[x] had a threesome - kissing or otherwise
[x] snuck out of your parent's house.
[x] been arrested.
[x] made out with a stranger.
[x] stole something from your job.
[] celebrated new years in times square.
[] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[x] had a crush on a teacher.
[]celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[] been to europe.
[x]skipped school.
[] thrown up from drinking.*threw up from smoking too much pot.
[] lost your sibling.
[x] played 'clue'.
[x] had a sleepover party.
[ went ice skating.
[] dropped x.
[x] cheated on a bf/gf.
[x] been cheated on.
[x] had a sweet sixteen.
[] had a quinceanera.*I'm not mexican, thank God!
[x] had a car.
[x] drove.

 Do you...
[x] have a bf.
[x] have a gf.
[] have a crush.
[x] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[] feel happy.
[x] hate yourself.
[x...at times] think your attractive.
[x] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[] listen to soul.
[x] listen to techno.
[x] listen to reggae.
[x] paint your nails.
[x] have more than 1 best friend.
[x] get good grades.
[] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers.
[x] wear boxers.
[x] wear thongs.
[x] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[x] like the color yellow.
[] cyber.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[] have long hair.
[x] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[] have a laptop.
[] have a pager.

<-- That saying has been in my head all day today. Maybe Daniel dosen't talk when he's drunk. I wish.

- I could not live without the music. *Tenacious D, Snow Patrol, Death Cab for Cutie, Beck, Dispatch, and def. not Postal Service.
Amerika, Amerika!!!

&heart;      b r e a k    i n c a s e    o f    e m e r g e n c y

<-- That movie rocks my tube socks!!!

Saw my two homegirls today at work. Brittany Yellock and Ashley Brackett. Ashley needs to bring her black ass back to school. I miss hearing her cussing out Taylor and Chris.

I've decided for this next school week to look at old friends and write their names down and then write one reason why their my friend and then on Valentines day, give them a card with the reason inside. So if your my friend, then expect a card on V.Day!!

Fill this out if your in a good mood.

Whats my name?
Do we know eachother personally?
Do you know my deepest darkest sercret/s?
Take a guess at my middle name?
Whens my b-day?
If you could say one last thing to me what would you say?
If you could do one more thing to me what would you do?
Do you think I'm attractive?
Do you think I'm mean?
Do you think I'm friendly?
Do you think I'm your friend?
Do you think I'm sexy?
Do you think I'm cool?
I'm I your friend or best friend or more than that?
Do you want to be closer?
Would you do anything for me?
Do you love me as a friend,family or more than that?

You will want my hot body after you watch this awesome cartoon: http://www.fat-pie.com/salad2.htm

<-- There's the charactor from it. Salad Fingers.

that girl in the hallways, you see her everyday

smiling,laughing, seems perfect in everyway

youd never guess, that she just might

cry herself to sleep, every single night <-- Funny how that describes me.

 

 <- remeber that Amy? Great times...

 

 

,-- My new ring.<-- My new kick ass shoes.

 

 

Somebody's getting fired at work this weekend.
I hope it's not me.

Your name here by Straylight Run

Your name here
Believe me
It's not what you think
Wish what you want
It's all the same to me
Well not really, but anyway
It's just it's nothing so simple
Nothing so silly
Nothing so mundane

Go east on Sunrise Highway
Turn left at Carmen's Avenue
Go right at the first stop-light
And I'll be outside, waiting for you
I'll Be waiting for you

Your name in lights
It was only a matter of time
Your name in parenthesis
Cause after this mess
I guess you bet
That I'd collapse before you do
Well maybe that's true
Or maybe it's not at all

Go east on Sunrise Highway
Turn left at Carmen's Avenue
Go right at the first stop-light
And I'll be outside, waiting for you
I'll be waiting for you

Go east on Sunrise Highway
Turn left at Carmen's Avenue
Go right at the first stop-light
And I'll be outside, waiting for you

 

( I say all the words that I know )

1:34AM

Had a really good day.
My daddy took me to school.
I saw Daniel and gave him a big hug. After all, I almost broke up with him last night so he wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. He started crying and told me all the reasons why he loved me. I didn't want to leave him, but I feel like i'm a burden to him. Whatever on that.
I go to first and second. Then take my test in third.
At break I said "Screw dis shiz" and left school with D and *.
We went to *'s house and hung out till like 5.
We was hanging out and * had like two tardy slips and he set them on fire.
We came up with a great picture to make. But it shall be our secret. hehe.
Then me and Daniel went to his house.
His dad took me home about 20 minutes later cause he freaking hates me!!!!
J/K. He just didn't want any company.

So I came home. I was going to go to the arcade with Melanie, but that didn't work out.
Maybe tmw night if i'm not too tired after work.
I really don't want to work. But I need the extra money for my ski trip at church. Yay!!
Next weekend I get to go to sunday church, cause I don't have to work that weekend.
Plus I don't have to be in till 12 this weekend.


Death Cab for Cutie is the shiz.
Shiz is my new word...
But Snow Patrol is better than you!

Heres a picture of my sunshine:

( Pictures for the blind )

11:19PM

YëI dare you to stab it.

4:27PM

A short poem

Current mood: depressed

Current music: Ryan Caberra- True

2:13AM

WARNING

....before you make that first cut remember.
You will enjoy this.
You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily ...
they will get deeper.
They will scar.
They will take sometimes months to heal.
And years for the scars to fade.
IF you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again...
it will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
Even if you are the most honest person ever to live ....
you will find yourself lying to the people you love.
You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100....Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting ..cutting and covering up cutting.
And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
And you freak out because the blood won't stop...
and you are gasping....
and you feel yourself shaking all over.
You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't tell anyone.
So you sit there alone...
praying it will be ok swearing you'll never let it go this far again...
But you will, and further.
Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
And the better you get at treating your cuts the deeper they get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20, 30 or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order.
Butterfly strips...
3 or four different kinds of dressings...
betadine....
antibiotic cream..
medical tape..
scar reducers.....
You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice...
someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies...
someone who understands but of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.
Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe...
longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots... gloves..the list goes on and on.
You will start looking at everyone in a different way...
Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI...
just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
You wont even think about it ..
as your eyes scan their wrists arms...
hoping just hoping they will be like you....
But they are not.
You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone.
You will always have to wash your laundry in private so know one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be cleaning up the blood..
Scrubbing your bathroom floor...
wiping the blood of your keyboard...
You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting....
Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.
When you get really desperate anything will be a cutting tool ...scissors...a car key...a needle ... a paperclip..even a pen.
Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted.
Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops. A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch.
Because you will itch and itch ..."so much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease."
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully..
You will dream about cutting...
you will dream about being exposed.
It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely HATE cutting...
at the same time you LOVE it and can NOT live with out it...

I've noticed at our school and all around there are more people cutting.

But see, these people are cutting for attention, most of them.

Still it's serious. Take it from a SI of four years.

I know how it feels. I've gone through that whole ordeal.

Over and over again.

Current mood: cold

Current music: Beck- Peaches and Cream

10:07PM

Since the 14th.

1. I went and saw my real dad.
2. Saw Tony. He has been like my bestest friend since first grade. Yeah, I always slept with him when I spent the night at his house. In a non sexual way of corse. I even dated him. But alas it didn't last more than two days. I love him.
   He was really drunk. And since I love him so much I carried him and layed down in his arms. I miss him so much.
3. I got baptised on Jan. 16th.
4. Me and Daniel have been together for a month and 4 days. We've spent a whole month together, as in like seen each other everyday.
5. Got in a wreck. But it was a real little one. A old fart hit Daniel in the back.
6. Gave Daniel the hugest hickey in the world. Full neck.
7. Didn't have school monday, went tuesday, skipped wedsnday, went thursday, didn't go on friday.
8. I skipped school with Daniel and we went and hung out with Fletcher and we went to the big Target and watched it snow.

Run- Snow Patrol

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Anyway from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
I just want to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

<-- I used to watch CardCaptors like it was a religon.

<-- blood. "My own blood is the only thing that can replace your bad taste."

Toodles and God bless

♥

12:30AM

I'm sorry for the lack of caring about you.

But I must continue on.

After that last entry I did some thinking. Big thanks to Josh Ramey and Matt Poore. And the greatest thanks to God.
I stopped doing OC. When I was coming off it last night, my heart started racing and I stopped breathing. It was scarey, I thought I was going to die.

I spent today as myself. Seemed forever.
I made a 93 and an 85 on my two EC1 tests and a 73 on my math test. I have a paper due tmw in there, but I didn't do it. I will though.

Today I went to wendys after school and ate some food. Then went to Daniels house and took a nap after we talked.
He said he was going to quit the oc for me. I know he's going to struggle with that.
Then we came to my house and had the best night ever.
We was hugging and he goes "you know, we haven't danced yet." and so we went in my room and danced in the candlelight to Postal Service- Such great heights (acoustic). It was so great. He started crying.
Then I made him some dinner and we ate that and watched some "Keeping up Apperences" I <3 that show.
Then we went and kissed in the fast furry of wind.
He called me and told me goodnight.

Jennifer- Teach Jessica how to drive!!! We was behind her on the way out of school and she was all over the place. lol.

Look at all the pretty colors.
Here's some nice quotes for you guys to read.
1) Once in your life whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling into the depths of their souls & saying a million things without a trace of a sound you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of his or her heart, you love them for many reasons, it’s not a thing of the mind yet, a thing of the heart. Once you find that special someone, dont let go...
2) Behind my smile is everything you'll never understand
3) i`m staring at your photograph remembering each moment you made me laugh. i never thought this would end this way. that i`d still be [ missing you til this very day ] ..

The Shins- Pink bullets:
I was just bony hands as cold as a winter pole
You held a warm stone out new flowing blood to hold
Oh what a contrast you were
To the brutes in the halls
My timid young fingers held a decent animal.

Over the ramparts you tossed
The scent of your skin and some foreign flowers
Tied to a brick
Sweet as a song
The years have been short but the days were long.

Cool of a temperate breeze from dark skies to wet grass
We fell in a field it seems now a thousand summers passed
When our kite lines first crossed
We tied them into knots
And to finally fly apart
We had to cut them off.

Since then it's been a book you read in reverse
So you understand less as the pages turn
Or a movie so crass
And awkardly cast
That even I could be the star.

I don't look back as much as a rule
And all this way before murder was cool
But your memory is here and I'd like it to stay
Warm light on a winter day.

Over the ramparts you tossed
The scent of your skin and some foreign flowers
Tied to a brick
Sweet as a song
The years have been short but the days go slowly by
Two loose kites falling from the sky
Drawn to the ground and an end to flight.

Here's my latest poem. It's called Home.

Current mood: cranky

Current music: The Shins- Turn a square

11:10PM

<-- Monika said that hoodie makes me look sexy.

( You can have the best of me.  )

Current mood: high

Current music: The Shins- Turn a square.

10:29PM

color sheme of hate!

Well let's start with yesterday.

Yesterday was good.
I went to work and had fun.

Then I saw my ex Matt Good. Ugh.
I went to wal-mart and got a bunch of crap.
I was going to get my hair cut, but no place is open on sundays.

Then I came home with some Lo-Mein and pizza and Daniel came over and we watched t.v and talked.

Today was even better.
I woke up around 7am and Daniel was the first thing I saw this morning.
I made him some breakfest and he liked it.
Then we went to school. I <3 school.
At break I saw him and he hugged me. I didn't mind, but I was expeating "I'm sorry"
As my friend said "He's being conceited"
He really is.

1:29AM

The sky is blue....

Today was like going good, really good, then you showed up.
I went to work and did that crap.
That guy I used to like, Daniel, met my mom, lol.
Then I went to the mall and shopped like crazy.
I got a bookbag, belt, sweats, leg warmers, and a beanie from Delias. A shirt that says "Jesus is coming, hide the porn" and a backpack purse that has the David and Goalith girl on the front and it say's "Here comes trouble" from spencers. Then three sweaters and a cami from sears. Then a pair of hello kitty earrrings and a penguain pin from claires. And a cute pair of mary janes from shoe show or w/e it's called.
Then I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time. It hurt like heck. But at least i'm not bushy eyed anymore and you can see my eyes for once. lol.
Then I went to big lots and got some random crap cause I blow money on stupid crap.
i'm about to do my nails.
I went to arbys. And he was there. I started shaking really bad and wanted to cry. He was out with all his friends and *sigh*.
He IMed me last night and apoligized and I said I wouldn't accept it until he can say it to my face and mean it.
Then I came home.
Turns out Daniel has been calling me since 6pm and he even came over. I wasn't home yet :(. So he watched t.v with my dad and left right when I got home.
I miss him.
Well i'm off for the night.
Toodles and God bless.

11:43PM

I don't want you.. away.

today was so Emo.
I woke up and got ready and me and Daniel went and got breakfest.
We got McDonalds. It was very good.
Then we went to school and that was blah.
At break me and a friend confronted the person... and he acted like he didn't know what we was talking about.
Then after school was over the person came up as I was talking to Matt about him and he asked why we was mad at him and we said cause of what he did to me and my friend and he just walked off.
I feel so dirty and cheap now. And unbeautiful.
I'm scared when Daniel holds me and kisses me cause he was there and ruined my body with his touch. I hate him so much it makes me sick.

Then I went to Daniels house and we layed down and he held me close while I cried and even though he's still hurt he talked to me about it. It upset him to hear how bad this guy treated me and how badly it's hurting me. *sigh* Then I went to sleep and woke up and he took me home.
This thing has brought us closer. Even if it was the worst thing ever.

I got home and cooked some eggs, toast, and my mom made me some ham.
Then I watched Girls Vs. Boys, Best friends date, and Sabrina. They are going to have a Best Friends Date for this gay boy. I think that's kinda... idk.
Then I watched this really sweet love movie called Serendipity. It's so cute!!
Now i'm online.... but not for long since I have to work tmw at noon- 5:30pm.
Well later days.
Toodles and God bless.

P.S- Thank you Jennifer and Matt for all the help.

11:42PM

Icons:

Quotes:

1. This one is the one I always follow.
   The biggest mistake a person can make is to be afraid of making one. Don't hold back your feelings because you are scared of rejection, it is better to say you have learned from a mistake than to say you haven't made one.
2. Go ahead and say it: I love you. You can say it a thousand times. But, true love doesn't need to be told
3. "True lovers don't say they love each other, they know they do."
4. "The greatest love is that of God. To love otherwise is mere imperfection."      

5. "Love knows no boundaries, no distance, no fear. What captures is the God's love that will eternally melt hearts together to stay, fused and sealed forever as one. Love has its way and new life has begun. You are a treasure I shall cherish, sealed with my love, covered with lace."
   

6. "It's amazing how your true love could be the person you never imagined being with."

I was thinking about forgiving you, you senseless piece of crap.
You think you can just use me and a good friend of mine like that?
Well your wrong, dead wrong.
I know that it's wrong to hate someone, but man I can't stand you anymore.
I have so much anger towards you. Now i'm just waiting for the breakdown.
You took what little self-esteem I had left.
You better be glad I quit cutting or otherwise you would be to blame for my suicide.
You FUCKING killed me!

10:14PM

Thursday, January 06, 2005
~Turn it back please.
Mr. time man, please turn the hours back to forever.
That way I will never have to hurt him again~


I had the worst day today.
Let's start with this fact. I cheated on Daniel.

I woke up today and got on the bus.
The bus broke down, so I was late for school.
Then I went to first period replaying the disaster over and over.
Then when we had our break between classes I found Daniel and told him.
He said "we'll talk later"
And then I went back to first period and we read our stories. Mine was called "Bobby the Potty" I love it!!!
Then I went to third period which sucked lots. Daniel ignored me.
I went to lunch and he ignored me more so I sat with my three guy friends and laughed with them. Daniel was sitting at the table beside us, so I made sure he noticed. I'm mean, I was hurt.
Then break came and Fleatcher told me that Daniel just dosen't want to talk to me. I understood.
Then fourth period. I didn't do anything but write three pages on what happened and how I feel.
Then I was walking to get on the bus and when I got upstairs, Daniel was waiting for me. So he took me home. While we was in the parking lot he asked me what happened and I said I kissed someone else. And he goes why? and I said b/c I was alone with this person and I liked them before and I have always wanted to kiss them and he goes, do you want to be with them? and I said no. We didn't say anything else the whole time.
I prayed while he was taking me home. God answered them.
I got home and left without saying anything.
I looked in his eyes for the last time and cried and just got out and he left.
I get inside crying and my parents ask me what's wrong and I tell them about me cheating on Daniel. I was out last night in my driveway with this guy for two hours and they didn't know who it was. Then again they didn't know he was the one I was with anyway.
I was sitting on the couch talking to them and I just started crying and here comes Daniel storming though the door and I got up and he hugged me tightly and said we had to talk and we went into my room and he looked like he had been crying and he said "I love you too much to let this spilt us apart." then I just lost it. I hugged him and held him close and he was shaking and he told me not to cry, I was too beautiful for tears.
I smiled and he said there's my smile.
And then we just talked about it and he said it was all in the past and not to worry about it.
I can't explain how much that just made me realize things. I always thought I would never get the guy that would love me like that.
Come on now, he was miles away and had been gone for like 20 minutes and he caming racing back to me. Me!
He proved he loved me. I also told him for the first time I love him.
It was well needed.
Then after an hour or so he left. We are eating breakfest in the morning. .
Then it was so/ so for a while. I got online and talked to Matt and he really helped me. He knows about the whole thing and he didn't hold it agaist me surprizingly.
Then I talked to Megan... she rocks.
Megan- Don't worry about sat. night. God will make you pretty. Just believe in him and all will be right.

I am so happy.
But HE made me feel so empty inside. I can't believe you, after doing this to other girls and learning your lesson over and over again, didn't stop it.
We sat there for two hours in sin. You knew I had a b/f. You just didn't care.
I was just another toy, broken too soon to keep your attention.
I will pray for you as I did before. But this time I won't pray for God to help you with girls. I know now that you only have trouble getting a girl cause your a inconsiderate jerk who dosen't care who it hurts, as long as you get your moment of lust.
I'm just sick that I was part of it.
But yet I liked it.
UGH!!

I'm out. Sleep calls my name.
Love you all, toodles, and God bless.
K to the asey.

12:17AM

Obsession of the mind.
Behind your eyes I will find.

Sweaty palms and broken dreams.
I sit on top of a better seat.
Riding into the night with torn seams.
I stand up to stomp your feet.

Clattered on the dash was my golden earrings and Gods word to the children.
Spaltterd across the backseat was a young man waiting to start breathing, again.
Disctint smell and broken hearts take a feeding.
Out with frozen air and breath in a new formed sin.

Puzzle pieces around the floor.
Standing between me and you is him.
Eating at my hurried closed door,
Stood a new formed lie in which we swim.